Did I mention my aversion to boredom? Well, these doctors keep things changing. I asked Dr. Kato, since he didn't plan my therapy, did he agree with it. He said he did believe in neoadjuvent therapy(chemo before surgery) but he would have preferred a three week schedule rather than a two week schedule to give my body a better chance to recover between. So I feel especially blessed that I have done so well. And, he said, since it appears my lymph nodes have shrunk already, he'd like for me to go ahad and have my surgery. so three weeks from today(I'm now receiving what I pray will be my last AC cocktail - the last of the "bad ones") and then reume the remaining four treatments as a "clean-up". Makes sense. I like his plan. But it threw me.
When I was 18, my annual tip to the doctor revealed a lump. I remember it was Monday. The doctor scheduled to put me in the hospital Tuesday night to operate Wednesday morning. I still remember thinking I wasn't old enough to schedule that appointment without my parents.40 years ago SOP called for putting me to sleep, taking a biopsy, sending it to the lab while still under anesthesia, and if it was positive, to perform a radical mastectomy on the spot. That Wednesday morning, when I awoke from surgery, I reached for my heavily bandaged breast. a nurse rushed over, grabbed my hand and smiled. "You're all in one piece," she said. Ah sweet reprieve.
Not to be repeated, Shoyei and I have just had back-to-back visits with my cancer surgeon and plastic surgeon. I am further encouraged. My surgeon is encouraged. She can't feel a thing! The chemohas done its job and there is the possibility the lymph nodes will be clear. She will take about 5 of the 50+ nodes to test. 3 or less with cancer could mean no radiation. The reconstruction will begin immediately. So now I await a dat for the big "M". And though I don't need someone to arrange for my surgery, I still feel unqualified toauthorize thisplan. /though I've had 3 months to get used to the idea, I suffer from Scarlett O'Hara syndrome. I don't want to think about it today. "I'll think about it tomorrow."
One mor month to wrap my head around the reality of double mastectomies. I remind mhself there is so much to be grateful for. This surgery can save my life. I'm 57 this time, not 18. I think of young women who've not yet had or raised their children or the many for whom no options remain.
I am grateful for the chance to live and serve and this sacrifice of flesh a small price. So okay now. I'm ready. More or less(no pun intended).
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