I have an aversion to boredom. Seems to me life is full of reasons
to never be bored. Its one of the things that attracted me to my
husband. I knew I would never be bored - he still fascinates me.
Perhaps that's why I see my cancer as a curious journey. Not one I
would have signed up for but hey, here I am. Might as well sit back
and enjoy the ride.
So here I sit - IV dripping its tiny cell warriors into my veins
equipped with a powerful arsenal to do battle against the enemy
cancer cells. It fascinates me that they know how to target
different body parts with this stuff. 6 other women share this room
today - each in varying stages of their battle. There's implied
comaraderie here. I'm grateful for the upbeat jazz playing and that
it still makes me want to get up and dance.
I'm slipping into the routine of this process. It is my new norm and
not nearly so threatening as last time. The scariness is gone.
No imagined numbness or other side effects. But it is a bit like
standing at the bottom of a mountain and knowing I must scale to the
top. I feel well-prepared unlike my first backpack trip into the
Sierras when my pack weighed 55lbs(I weighed 115), I wore a pair of
Keds and my sister and I had brought our two 3 month old puppies!
Now that was a toughie!
My husband is sitting quietly behind me - my sentinel. He's not
supposed to be here. No family after the first infusion. He's not
deterred but he is quiet as a churchmouse hoping to be excused for
breaking the rules for love. I excuse him. I adore him for his
commitment to see me through every part of this.
Over - the drip has stopped. A non-event really. Thank You Lord!
Now the wait for the symptoms. The anticipation that something is
coming I do not yet understand. But I am not alone. And it will be
interesting.
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