October 10th 2008, In the Chair Again

I am awaiting my first of the second half of chemo treatmets - the "easy half". My blood count is good so I can proceed. My hands have healed just in time. I confess, I was hoping for a break but I know this is best for me. The anti-nausea drip is going. It always precedes the chemo. I read that it takes hundreds of California yew trees to treat one patient with Taxol - the derivative of its bark. I feel very guilty and very ungreen.

I've been told within the first few minutes I may feel flushed or have severe back pain or shortness of breath. The nurse has just switched out the last bag for one with Benedryl(antihistamine) and Tagamet(antiacid). Seems they're preparing me for all possibilities. I'm apprehensive this time. Please Lord still this heart. I know You are with me.

I search out bible verses on my Blackberry as they start the real thing(they all look like water to me). A verse I've used as a bookmark in the novel I'm reading slips out. I realize I wrote this out for such a time as this:
Isaiah 43:13 says "For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear: I will help you."
Isaiah 43:2-3a -"When you pass through waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour."

I read these and then I fall asleep.

Two hours and NO REACTIONS later, I awake. I want to weep with God's swift response to my cry and your prayers for me. He is near indeed.

I feel the need to say I write to encourage you with the real-ness of our God. I don't want this to be about me. You all have your own trials and I hope some of what I share will make a differnce for you.