My daughter asked me and a few of her friends to share what significant thing I had seen God do in 2009. This is what I sent her:
What God did in 2009 required a bit of background, so please bear with me.
It was Spring 2008. My son was about to graduate from college and asked if he could live with us for the summer to save money for Law School which he would start in the Fall. I was excited at the prospect. It had been six years since he'd lived with us. I nervously approached my husband.
"NO!" He yelled. "He can NOT stay with us. We can't afford it right now! I'm not going to work my tail off, feeding him while he lounges around!" I tried to explain that he hoped to find work. I knew it wasn't the real reason our son wasn't welcome in our home. Hadn't I prayed for 27 years for his father to love him and treat him as the only precious son he was?
My husband is 15 years older than me. He's been married twice before, fathering six daughters by the first wife. He wasn't much of a father to those sweet little girls. He didn't really know how and an acrimonious divorce pretty much shut him out of their lives. So despite his reluctance to father more children, I expected the arrival of his son to make a difference. It didn't. He was alternately kind, loving and fun and then indifferent and harsh. I worried about the confusion this behavior would cause my young son and the daughter that followed.
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart." These word from Colossians 3:21, jumped off the page at me when I first read them. But I prayed. Oh how prayed! Over and over again through the years, I prayed that our Heavenly Father would protect my children from their father's conflicting signals.
I had considered leaving him more than once, to protect them. Finally the day came when he'd gone too far, humiliating my eighteen-year-old son in front of a friend and then storming off. My son walked quietly out of the house. He called me from a friend's and said "Mom, I'm not coming home." "I understand," I said. "No, Mom" he said, "I'm not ever coming home again." My heart cried out, feeling his pain, roiling with my own. He was eighteen but he was still in high school. It was still my responsibility to give him a home. I was a successful business woman, I would buy another house and make a real home for my children.
"Then I'm going, too," I told him, my mind scrambling at the logistics of moving out. I'd seen a home that day that would work. So I packed up and we left.
My husband was full of grief and pleas and promises but I'd had it. Within days, however, the Lord's voice was getting too loud to ignore. Divorce was not an option. I told my husband, this separation was for a season. He wrote beautiful letters to each of us, asking forgiveness and pledging his love.
My daughter began rebelling, talking back to me, hanging out with a bad crowd. One night she walked out the door without a word. I called my husband and the police. Both came right over and she showed up around midnight. I was clearly losing control. "Why don't we just go back home," she shouted at me on Mother's Day. So we did.
My son packed his car and headed off to college and my daughter and I moved back home. I told my husband, we were coming back, under one condition. That Jesus was coming with us and that I could read my bible without insults from him. He heartily agreed.
For a while, it was wonderful. He even came to church with us. But slowly he slipped back into old ways and I cried out to God, "Why? Why did you make me come back?"
But I knew the answer. My husband needed us, even if he treated us badly. So I promised God I would show my husband more of Christ.
I began to study more and grow deeper in the Word. My daughter continued to cause us grief and worry which finally helped unite us as parents but even as she came around, returning wholeheartedly to the Lord, my husband gave and withdrew love from her unpredictably. My heart's cry continued its plea to change my husband's heart - to give me the loving home life I yearned for.
Throughout the years I took the kids on trips to visit friends and family. My husband had no desire to join us. He tolerated limited interaction with the children. The vacations he planned seldom included them. I went to school events and extracurricular events alone.
I felt like a single parent. As my children left home I feared they would never want to return. But I continued to pray for a miracle to change my husband's heart.
That day my husband refused to allow our son to stay with us, something snapped in me. I felt rage and fury as I had never felt before. A home that would not welcome my children, was no home. I had no home, I told myself. It hit me that I would never have that home this side of heaven. I cried out to God. And suddenly there He was before me. Jesus was holding out a hand to me asking me to hand over my hopes and dreams. Give up my ideas of happy family holidays and grandchildren running around the house. And I did. I let go of every hopeful dream. Peace flooded me as I accepted Jesus as my all. Jesus as sufficient. The hatred I felt for my husband moments before dissolved into forgiving love. Jesus was my comfort and I could rely on Him to comfort my children.
Soon after this release, He comforted me with the promise, "I will restore to you the years the locust has eaten away."(Joel 2:25) And I knew He would give me something better than the little white picket fence dream I'd clung to for so many years. I knew He loved me that much.
The next month I was diagnosed with breast cancer. How would God use this, I wondered. My husband was shaken at the fear of losing me. He hovered over me with love and concern and showed me a man I had not seen before. For the first time in our married life, I saw the depth of his love for me. The year that followed I fell in love with him again and we held tightly onto each other through surgeries, chemo, radiation and an uncertain future together. Our children became an unexpected comfort as they demonstrated the grace of God to him.
We got through that difficult year and I like to tell people I got cancer and a new husband out of it. But loving as he was to me, he held to his atheistic beliefs and I wondered if that could ever change.
During time spent with our wonderful son-in-law I found new hope as I saw my husband form a deep affection for him. Yet I felt jealous for our son with whom there still seemed to be a disconnect. So as Christmas '09 approached, I employed legions of prayer warriors at the wonderful church I attend to pray for a special, peaceful and even Joyous time with our son who would be home for the holidays from school. And please God for a connection between father and son.
It happened so subtly beginning with our daughter's email to her Dad suggesting he attend Christmas Eve services with us. She attached an article entitled "Atheism, Rituals and Holidays" encouraging the non-believer to participate in celebrations to promote family unity. He agreed. Then, rather than retiring to his office immediately after meals, he stayed to enjoy the company of our children. I was very busy with work during the holidays, much to my frustration, but I quickly saw these times as divine appointments between father and son. My husband was spending every available minute with him, offering "helpful" advice and concern. The holidays passed without a harsh word, a miracle in our family.
Then it happened. The day we watched our son pack up to begin the long drive cross country, my husband and I stood together seeing him off with hugs and travel blessings, I saw it! The answer to 28 years of prayer! My husband's eyes shone with tears at seeing him go! He even moped around a few days, complaining of the emptiness of the bedroom, admitting he missed Danny and I rejoiced in the faithfulness of God as I saw him begin to "restore the years..."
What did I learn in 2009? When God's people pray, He is faithful. When I humbled myself and asked for prayer support of faithful warriors, the battle was won there. Even the unanswered portions for my husband's salvation and for him to express his love to his son were answered "yes" although I have yet to "see" it. God's timing is perfect and I am so glad I've persevered in my marriage of 31 years.
May this bless you and encourage you to never give up but know He hears your prayers. And when "two or more are gathered," those prayers are empowered by Christ Himself.
A Humble Servant
Kathleen
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